Alive.

Sometimes strangers, complete strangers in our lives, can mess up our mind and heart and even body so much that it cannot even be described into words, on a white page, in a blog. It just canยดt. It is quite crazy if you think about it ๐Ÿ™‚ But it is what it is.

But also, other times, many other times, complete strangers in our lives can mend, can help, can light a hope in our broken mind and soul.

I have experienced both of these effects in these past 11 weeks and 3 days. I was completely ignoring one of my “feel good” activities, which was writing here. For many reasons, mainly because I have been ignoring myself during this time or I just needed my little energy to be focused on the “important” things. Also, I think I mistakenly put a bad label on Barcelona, as a place of my misery, so I just could not get myself to show it some love. Anyway, this is not a dramatic post where I describe my impossibly difficult state of soul and my tangled web of emotions. This is, believe it or not, a positive post ๐Ÿ™‚

I did not enter here for 11 weeks and 3 days. Not even once. I did receive an e-mail today, though, mentioning that my stats were peaking and I checked it out. There is someone out there who has read ALL my posts last night. Thank you for that! I am still alive, yes. On the edge with many things and basically a shadow of my usual self, but alive. And I am fucking proud of that. Thank you, dear stranger, for reading all my posts. Thank you, dear other stranger (or not so stranger, because I am a stalker and I wonยดt deny it ๐Ÿ™‚ ), for sending my life in a seemingly endless roller coaster. (Yes, I checked, these 2 persons are not one and the same. That would have been quite funny, though ๐Ÿ™‚ ).

You both helped me. I am alive. Breathing and slowly getting myself out of a very dark place (where I had been stuck for quite some time before this storm started, truth be told).

Onward!

2 replies

  1. Hei! Ce ma bucur sa te citesc. Am intrat de cateva ori pe aici sa verific daca ai scris, ma gandeam ca da Feedly rateuri si nu-mi mai actulizeaza continutul de la tine. Iti trimit toate gandurile mele bune, sa iesi cand poti din locul ala intunecat si sa fii si mai bine, sa ne mai scrii ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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