Sometimes strangers, complete strangers in our lives, can mess up our mind and heart and even body so much that it cannot even be described into words, on a white page, in a blog. It just can´t. It is quite crazy if you think about it 🙂 But it is what it is.
But also, other times, many other times, complete strangers in our lives can mend, can help, can light a hope in our broken mind and soul.
I have experienced both of these effects in these past 11 weeks and 3 days. I was completely ignoring one of my “feel good” activities, which was writing here. For many reasons, mainly because I have been ignoring myself during this time or I just needed my little energy to be focused on the “important” things. Also, I think I mistakenly put a bad label on Barcelona, as a place of my misery, so I just could not get myself to show it some love. Anyway, this is not a dramatic post where I describe my impossibly difficult state of soul and my tangled web of emotions. This is, believe it or not, a positive post 🙂
I did not enter here for 11 weeks and 3 days. Not even once. I did receive an e-mail today, though, mentioning that my stats were peaking and I checked it out. There is someone out there who has read ALL my posts last night. Thank you for that! I am still alive, yes. On the edge with many things and basically a shadow of my usual self, but alive. And I am fucking proud of that. Thank you, dear stranger, for reading all my posts. Thank you, dear other stranger (or not so stranger, because I am a stalker and I won´t deny it 🙂 ), for sending my life in a seemingly endless roller coaster. (Yes, I checked, these 2 persons are not one and the same. That would have been quite funny, though 🙂 ).
You both helped me. I am alive. Breathing and slowly getting myself out of a very dark place (where I had been stuck for quite some time before this storm started, truth be told).